This week has felt exhausting, and I don’t really understand why. Maybe it is because I have so many ideas keeping me awake at night. Maybe it is because we spent a lot of the weekend traveling. Perhaps this is one of those tired seasons in life – do you know those as well as I do? I had a big headshot session this morning and got home around 2pm, feeling exhausted and kind of down because I still had no idea what my project was going to be this week, and then I felt it: the resistance that Steven Pressfield talks about in his amazing book The War of Art. I first read that book back in Grad school and it resonated with me down to my bones. The resistance whispered to me about how much easier it would be to just sit on the couch and watch Netflix or browse Pinterest for an hour before going back to work. The resistance tried to convince me to consume instead of create. I tempted me to say I’d wait until next week to post another project, because I’m shooting a lot this week and I just have a lot going on. But then I remembered that I have a lot going on every week. If I wait until my schedule is free, I won’t even come close to completing my goal. So I squashed the resistance.
I flipped a blank canvas onto my work table, grabbed some paint, and created. This project is in a similar vein to another abstract art piece I did for my office. There’s no good how-to for something like this, because I really just painted. It started with big brush strokes, then turned into a palette knife painting, and then I decided I wanted even more texture so I used tons of little brush strokes and a very liberal amount of paint to finish it off. It was still missing something, so I impatiently rubbed gold leaf into the wet paint, and I loved the texture that came out (my hands took some serious scrubbing to clean). See detail shots and alternate angles for some of the texture & color.
As I mentioned the post for Project #1, I’m obsessed with gold, black, and white together. I’ve been working slowly to redo our bedroom in this color scheme since last summer. (Currently there is a lot of green, white, and gold.) I’ve had a blank canvas for months that I bought to make an abstract black and gold painting. It feels good to finally see something in the space that has been waiting for it! Here it is, up close:
Painting is one of those things that replenishes me. It makes me feel like me. I’m not usually one to title my abstract pieces, but the whole time I was making this I was thinking about Psalm 32. In it, David talks about hiding from sin versus confronting it. I was thinking about how God blots out my iniquity, my transgressions, my sin. I can only confront it by covering it or hiding it, or even talking about it, I cannot wipe it away. But God, He paid my debt for me by blotting out my sin, covering it with His blood, and then He forgave the debt, making it as if it had never existed at all. I will still struggle throughout this imperfect human life with sadness, depression, and my own deep-seated sin, but one day, it will be like it never existed. If that isn’t hope, I don’t know what is.
That might be a little deep for this little abstract painting, but it’s what I thought about as I blotted out the white with black with huge globs of paint. I thought about God blotting out every imperfect and dark part of me. I thought about how God shimmers in even the dark parts of us, how He can use any part of any one of us to show us the beauty that still exists here on this earth – this earth that is a reflection of Him. God can use the darkness to call us toward the light. So I’m calling it “Blotted Out.”
I hope you’re all having a wonderful Thursday, brave and beautiful souls!
This post is part of a series I am doing in 2015 called ’52 Projects.’ To read more about why I’m doing this, click here.